Student Union
- By Sal Nicosia
Parents Say It's Love, Not Hovering!
Caroline Nicosia says she parents according to the book of love. Her son, Sal, shares his perspective.
For many young millennials, the helicopter parent phenomenon is all too real.
Are parents just overprotective because of how much they love their kids? Or are they living vicariously through them? Or do they love them so much that their children become socially disadvantaged?
As someone who grew up with a helicopter parent, I can say that there is a difference between a cautious, protective parent, and a helicopter.
My personal helicopter-parent journey really began before I was even born. My parents struggled to have a child, but were finally blessed at 40. Having a late baby, my mother (and grandmother) hailed me as a "miracle baby," an only child who was kept secluded and protected.
When it came time to go to school, local public schools weren't considered. I made most of my friends at church, many of whom I am still close to today. I very much fit the only-child stereotype: I enjoyed activities where I usually entertained myself and where my parents knew I was in a safe, non-threatening environment, like being engaged with video games and movies.
My father, Sal, an elevator technician, held a different opinion by the time I came along. He was an athlete in high school and the oldest of three children. His life and childhood were what he saw for my childhood.
But my mom, Caroline, put up much protest. So my dad took a different route, and after his retirement he and I grew close and bonded over our common love of cars. He was less cautious as a parent, allowing me to help with projects and getting my hands dirty with him.
I was sent to a nearby, small private school funded by a Baptist church. My classes were made up of no more than 10 students. As a child, I didn't know the difference. I didn't realize what else was out in the world.
From a young age, while Dad was at work and before I could go out to play, I'd sit with my mom and review spelling and vocabulary words. Like many children, I resisted school. I disliked almost everything about it. Yet she persisted, and I am grateful to her and her dedication to my education. Without the constant jousting we had, I would have become a lazy student, and I owe much of my education to her.
That being said, it boiled over one night my junior year of high school. There was a screaming match, a book was tossed in the air, and that was the last of it. I had outgrown the constant back and forth, and decided I would neglect education her way or pursue it on my own terms.
My graduating class consisted of 35 students in a school of nearly 500 that spanned kindergarten through senior year. As a high-school student, my social growth had been stunted, like many others who grew up with the same 30 kids they'd known their whole lives. There was no room for outside viewpoints. Uniforms were worn, shirts tucked in, ties worn on Wednesdays. Boys and girls were prohibited from commingling.
Contact sports were not allowed. While I understand this may have been to protect other children — I am tall, broad and solid — I wanted to be like my favorite players. But the issue was very open and shut, despite my father's protest. It wouldn't be until college that I would finally play football and hockey in recreational leagues. While it was liberating to finally have these experiences, I reflected about what could have been.
And when it came time for college, I never toured universities. I headed off to my local community college because the cost was much less — we were not a wealthy household — and it wasn't far from home. But after two years and countless dropped classes at community college, I packed my bags and moved 35 minutes down the road to Stockton University in Galloway, New Jersey — with my parents' support.
I lived a mere two miles from where I had gone to high school. I roomed with two lifelong friends I had met at church youth group. I was as focused as I was going to be, and it ultimately paid off: I am scheduled to graduate as a first-generation college student this December.
While I may sound negative regarding my childhood, there were times I relished. My mom loved to cook and I remember assisting her in the kitchen as early as 4 or 5 years old, whether it was as simple as stirring the sauce or as hazardous as cutting vegetables. I was exposed to many foods, and there's very little I won't try. I attribute my diverse palette to her love of food.
The most important part of my childhood with a helicopter parent was when the helicopter landed and the overprotective stipulations finally ended. Around the time I got my driver's license at 17 years old, the grip began to loosen. My vehicle brought freedom and the ability to explore the world on my own, even if it was just my small town in south New Jersey. My love for cars also allowed me to make friends with people who shared common ideals and priorities.
Helicopter parenting is a reaction parents have because they love their kids. That's always how I interpreted it. While there was an arm and a leg of rules to follow, and sky-high expectations to reach for, it was always for my betterment. Looking back now, I wish some things could have been different, but I'm grateful for the experiences I had as I look ahead into my adult life as an aspiring professional.
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Lily Meskers faced an unexpected choice in the lead-up to the first major election she can vote in.
The 19-year-old University of Montana sprinter was among college athletes in the state who received an inquiry from Montana Together asking if she was interested in a name, image and likeness deal to support Sen. Jon Tester, a three-term Democrat seeking re-election. The group, which is not affiliated with the Tester campaign, offered from $400 to $2,400 to athletes willing to produce video endorsements.
Meskers, who is from Colorado but registered to vote in Montana, decided against the deal because she disagrees with Tester's votes on legislation involving transgender athletes in sports.
"I was like, OK, I believe that this is a political move to try to gain back some voters that he might have lost," Meskers said. "And me being a female student-athlete myself, I was not going to give my endorsement to someone who I felt didn't have the same support for me."
Professional athletes such as LeBron James, Colin Kaepernick and Stephen Curry have taken high-profile stances on hot-button topics and political campaigns in recent years, but college athletes are far less outspoken — even if money is available, according to experts in the NIL field. Being outwardly political can reflect on their school or endanger potential endorsement deals from brands that don't want controversy. It can certainly establish a public image for an athlete — for better or for worse — or lead to tensions with teammates and coaches who might not feel the same way.
There are examples of political activism by college athletes: A Texas Tech kicker revealed his support for former President Donald Trump on a shirt under his uniform at a game last week and a handful of Nebraska athletes a few days ago teamed up in a campaign ad against an abortion measure on the Tuesday's ballot.
Still, such steps are considered rare.
"It can be viewed as risky and there may be people telling them just don't even take that chance because they haven't made it yet," said Lauren Walsh, who started a sports branding agency 15 years ago. She said there is often too much to lose for themselves, their handlers and in some cases, their families.
"And these individuals still have to figure out what they're going to do with the rest of their lives, even those that do end up getting drafted," she added.
College coaches are not always as reticent. Auburn men's basketball coach Bruce Pearl has used social media to make it clear he does not support Kamala Harris, Trump's Democratic opponent in next week's presidential election. Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy once caused a stir with a star player for wearing a shirt promoting a far-right news outlet.
Blake Lawrence, co-founder of the NIL platform Opendorse, noted that this is the first presidential election in the NIL era, which began in July 2021. He said athletes are flocking to opportunities to help increase voter turnout in the 18-to-24 age demographic, adding that one of his company's partners has had 86 athletes post social media messages encouraging turnout through the first half of the week.
He said athletes are shying away from endorsing specific candidates or causes that are considered partisan.
"Student-athletes are, for the most part, still developing their confidence in endorsing any type of product or service," he said. "So if they are hesitant to put their weight behind supporting a local restaurant or an e-commerce product, then they are certainly going to be hesitant to use their social channels in a political way."
Giving athletes a voice
Many college athletes have opted to focus on drumming up turnout in a non-partisan manner or simply using their platforms to take stands that are not directly political in nature. Some of those efforts can be found in battleground states.
A progressive group called NextGen America said it had signed players in Arizona, Michigan, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Virginia to encourage voting among young people. Another organization, The Team, said it prepped 27 college athletes in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Arizona and Michigan to lead volunteer voter participation opportunities for students. The organization also said it got more than 625 coaches to sign a nonpartisan pledge to get their athletes registered to vote.
The Team's executive director is Joe Kennedy, a former coach who coordinated championship visits and other sporting events at the White House during President Barack Obama's administration. In early October, it hosted a Zoom event during which panelists such as NCAA President Charlie Baker and WNBA players Nneka Ogwumike and Natasha Cloud gave college athletes advice about using their platforms on campus.
In its early days, The Team seized upon momentum from the record turnout seen in the 2020 election. The NCAA that year said Division I athletes could have Election Day off from practice and play to vote. Lisa Kay Solomon, founder of the All Vote No Play campaign, said even if the athletes don't immediately take stands on controversial issues, it's important for them to learn how.
"It is a lot to ask our young people to feel capable and confident on skills they've never had a chance to practice," Solomon said. "We have to model what it means to practice taking risks, practice standing up for yourself, practice pausing to think about what are the values that you care about — not what social media is feeding into your brain, but what do you care about and how do you express that? And how do you do it in a way that honors the kind of future that you want to be a part of?"
Shut up and play?
Two years ago, Tennessee-Martin quarterback Dresser Winn said he would support a candidate in a local district attorney general race in what experts said was very likely the first political NIL deal by a college athlete.
There have been very few since.
The public criticism and fallout for athletes who speak out on politics or social issue can be sharp. Kaepernick, the Super Bowl-winning quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, hasn't played in an NFL game since January 2017, not long after he began kneeling during the national anthem at games.
Meskers, the Montana sprinter, said political endorsements through NIL deals could create problems for athletes and their schools.
"I just think that NIL is going to run into a lot of trouble and a lot of struggles if they continue to let athletes do political endorsements," she said. "I just think it's messy. But I stand by NIL as a whole. I think it's really hard as a student athlete to create a financial income and support yourself."
Walsh said it's easier for wealthy and veteran stars like James and Ogwumike to take stands. James, the Los Angeles Lakers star, started More Than a Vote — an organization with a mission to "educate, energize and protect Black voters" — in 2020. He has passed the leadership to Ogwumike, who just finished her 13th year in the WNBA and also is the president of the Women's National Basketball Players Association. More than a Vote is focused on women's rights and reproductive freedom this year.
"They have very established brands," Walsh said. "They know who they are and they know what their political stance is. They know that they have a really strong following that -- there's always going to be haters, but they're also always going to have that strong following of people who listen to everything that they have to say."
Andra Gillespie, an associate professor at Emory University who teaches African American politics, also said it is rare that a college athlete would make a significant impact with a political stand simply because they tend to have a more regional platform than national. Even celebrities like Taylor Swift and Eminem are better at increasing turnout than championing candidates.
"They are certainly very beneficial in helping to drive up turnout among their fans," Gillespie said. "The data is less conclusive about whether or not they're persuasive – are they the ones who are going to persuade you to vote for a particular candidate?"
Athletes as influencers
Still, campaigns know young voters are critical this election cycle, and athletes offer an effective and familiar voice to reach them.
Political and social topics are not often broached, but this week six Nebraska athletes — five softball players and a volleyball player — appeared in an ad paid for by the group Protect Women and Children involving two initiatives about abortion laws on Tuesday's ballot.
The female athletes backed Initiative 434, which would amend the state constitution to prohibit abortions after the first trimester, with exceptions. Star softball player Jordy Bahl said on social media that the athletes were not paid.
A University of Montana spokesperson said two athletes initially agreed to take part in the NIL deal backing Tester. The school said one withdrew and the other declined to be interviewed.
For Meskers, deciding against the offer boiled down to Tester twice voting against proposals to bar federal funds from going to schools that allow transgender athletes to play women's sports, a prominent GOP campaign topic. Tester's campaign said the proposals were amendments to government spending packages, and he didn't want to play a role in derailing them as government shutdowns loomed.
"As a former public school teacher and school board member, Jon Tester believes these decisions should be made at the local level," a Tester spokesperson said. "He has never voted to allow men to compete against women."
Meskers said she believes using influence as college athletes is good and she is in favor of NIL. She just doesn't think the two should mix specifically for supporting candidates.
"I think especially as student athletes, we do have such a big voice and we do have a platform to use," she said. "So I think if you're encouraging people to do their civic duties and get up and go (vote), I think that's a great thing."
