((PKG)) ADOPTION 1 / IDENTITY
((Banner: A Question of Identity))
((Reporter: Claire Morin-Gibourg))
((Camera: Arzouma Kompaoré))
((Map: Seattle, Washington; Albuquerque, New Mexico))
((NATS: Chad Goller-Sojourner one-man performance))
((Courtesy: Vimeo / Chad Goller-Sojourner))
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
Black people scared me. And since I wasn’t a fan of being
scared, I would do my best to avoid them at all times
possible, going so far as to cross the road when
encountering multiples of them. Raised on Lawrence Welk
and Amy Grant, I would be shy of 25 before I could hear rap
music and not think something bad was about to go down.
((NATS))
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
I was this black boy who didn’t want to be black. From an
identity standpoint, I identified with the people around me.
So, I knew I wasn’t white, I looked at my skin, but I certainly
identified as a white child. I identified with my white peers as
opposed to black people either I saw on TV or didn’t know.
So, yeah, and I think this is very common with transracial
adoptions. You know, with transracially adoptees, your first
identification is that of your surrounding.
((Megan Walsh, Director, La Familia-Namaste Adoption))
A lot of adoptive families struggle when they adopt
transracially, because they are maybe not so comfortable
stepping outside their comfort zone. And I think it's really
important for adoptive families to be able to realize that when
they adopt transracially, they're asking their child to often be
the minority even in their family. And that's really
challenging for kids.
((Locator: Albuquerque, New Mexico))
((Lizelle, Adoptee))
Sometimes, I’ll walk into a class, and the first, like, thing that
comes to my mind is there another black person in this room
that I could relate to and that looks similar to me.
((NATS : Gym))
((Megan Walsh, Director, La Familia-Namaste Adoption))
It's really important that kids that are adopted transracially
have adult racial mirrors. I think the first thing that families
need to do when they're raising a black child or a child of an
ethnicity different than theirs, is that they need to find
professionals in their community that share ethnicity with
their child.
((Neema Hanifa Kamaria, Founder, Creations Spa))
With most families what I found is that they start by coming
in and asking about, you know, hair. That’s the initial
referral. “I need to know about how to take care of this
child’s hair.” But the truth of the matter is that it’s so much
deeper than that. You know, self-esteem, of course, you
know, how a child feels being in a place like New Mexico,
where we have such a small population of people of African
descent.
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
That’s interesting. That’s interesting for moms, I think, and
families to know that bit of hair culture.
((Kamaria, off-camera: Absolutely.))
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
Because, you know, hair is a social, socio-political issue in
our culture.
((Kamaria, off-camera: It is, it still is.))
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
It will help us as white parents who have not experienced
this to understand even going deeper, the issues of race and
social and political sort of ramifications of caring for hair and
understanding the dialogue around hair.
(Kamaria, off-camera: Right, absolutely.)
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
And beauty, standards of beauty.
((Megan Walsh, Director, La Familia-Namaste Adoption))
Learning to value everyone of every ethnicity, and not to be
afraid of what we don’t know. I think that's what's really
important. People that get really stuck on being colorblind, I
feel like they're doing their kids a disservice because they're
not teaching them that how they are is wonderful and how
they came into this world is important and vital for
everybody.
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
So, what we know, once again, all the statistics we talked
about, there are all studies, a lot are government, it says that
around 13 years old, that black boys are seen as adults
whereas white kids are well into their 20s before they're held
accountable. How did that play out? Did you have like a
plan? Like how did that play out for you?
((Malia Fullerton, Adoptive Mother))
Yeah, so this has been a huge issue for us. My son, he’s
12. He’s 6-foot-1 (1m 85 cm). People think that he is 17
right now. We’re already talking to him about, you know,
what you do if a policeman stops you, you know. How you
have to assume that people are going to question you and
assume the worst of you. And at the same time, we were
appealing to a lot of things in African-American heritage.
Martin Luther King, Junior, you know, a lot of things that
were really positive about social justice, and helping him to
understand that he had a lot of tools available to him.
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
I firmly believe that as transracial parents that they have a
duty to prepare their child not just for the world they live in
but most importantly for the world they will age into. So, it’s
not fair to raise them when, and turn them out at 18 and say,
“OK, go live in this world that is foreign to you, that is hostile
to you.” Certainly, when I do their coaching in adoption,
that’s the message I send. When you decide to adopt
children of a different race, you've made a conscious
decision to expose your family to being uncomfortable.
((Popup Banner: Chad’s birth mother was an actress who
died in 2011))
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
It was very interesting to see for the first time, at 44,
somebody who looked like me and to end up in the same
profession as she did was just crazy, you know. A lot of
people forget that adoptees have a story before they come
to you. Whatever it is, we have our own story and this was
my story. To know that I could like run my fingers over here
and I’m touching her! When I’m putting my hand under the
cellphone, we’re touching. This is her work, her fingerprints
are on here. My fingerprints are on here. Although she’s
deceased, I’m actually touching my mother. Not
metaphorically but really. And certainly that is something
beyond what I ever thought possible.
((Banner: A Question of Identity))
((Reporter: Claire Morin-Gibourg))
((Camera: Arzouma Kompaoré))
((Map: Seattle, Washington; Albuquerque, New Mexico))
((NATS: Chad Goller-Sojourner one-man performance))
((Courtesy: Vimeo / Chad Goller-Sojourner))
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
Black people scared me. And since I wasn’t a fan of being
scared, I would do my best to avoid them at all times
possible, going so far as to cross the road when
encountering multiples of them. Raised on Lawrence Welk
and Amy Grant, I would be shy of 25 before I could hear rap
music and not think something bad was about to go down.
((NATS))
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
I was this black boy who didn’t want to be black. From an
identity standpoint, I identified with the people around me.
So, I knew I wasn’t white, I looked at my skin, but I certainly
identified as a white child. I identified with my white peers as
opposed to black people either I saw on TV or didn’t know.
So, yeah, and I think this is very common with transracial
adoptions. You know, with transracially adoptees, your first
identification is that of your surrounding.
((Megan Walsh, Director, La Familia-Namaste Adoption))
A lot of adoptive families struggle when they adopt
transracially, because they are maybe not so comfortable
stepping outside their comfort zone. And I think it's really
important for adoptive families to be able to realize that when
they adopt transracially, they're asking their child to often be
the minority even in their family. And that's really
challenging for kids.
((Locator: Albuquerque, New Mexico))
((Lizelle, Adoptee))
Sometimes, I’ll walk into a class, and the first, like, thing that
comes to my mind is there another black person in this room
that I could relate to and that looks similar to me.
((NATS : Gym))
((Megan Walsh, Director, La Familia-Namaste Adoption))
It's really important that kids that are adopted transracially
have adult racial mirrors. I think the first thing that families
need to do when they're raising a black child or a child of an
ethnicity different than theirs, is that they need to find
professionals in their community that share ethnicity with
their child.
((Neema Hanifa Kamaria, Founder, Creations Spa))
With most families what I found is that they start by coming
in and asking about, you know, hair. That’s the initial
referral. “I need to know about how to take care of this
child’s hair.” But the truth of the matter is that it’s so much
deeper than that. You know, self-esteem, of course, you
know, how a child feels being in a place like New Mexico,
where we have such a small population of people of African
descent.
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
That’s interesting. That’s interesting for moms, I think, and
families to know that bit of hair culture.
((Kamaria, off-camera: Absolutely.))
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
Because, you know, hair is a social, socio-political issue in
our culture.
((Kamaria, off-camera: It is, it still is.))
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
It will help us as white parents who have not experienced
this to understand even going deeper, the issues of race and
social and political sort of ramifications of caring for hair and
understanding the dialogue around hair.
(Kamaria, off-camera: Right, absolutely.)
((Deborah Hill, Lizelle's Adoptive Mother))
And beauty, standards of beauty.
((Megan Walsh, Director, La Familia-Namaste Adoption))
Learning to value everyone of every ethnicity, and not to be
afraid of what we don’t know. I think that's what's really
important. People that get really stuck on being colorblind, I
feel like they're doing their kids a disservice because they're
not teaching them that how they are is wonderful and how
they came into this world is important and vital for
everybody.
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
So, what we know, once again, all the statistics we talked
about, there are all studies, a lot are government, it says that
around 13 years old, that black boys are seen as adults
whereas white kids are well into their 20s before they're held
accountable. How did that play out? Did you have like a
plan? Like how did that play out for you?
((Malia Fullerton, Adoptive Mother))
Yeah, so this has been a huge issue for us. My son, he’s
12. He’s 6-foot-1 (1m 85 cm). People think that he is 17
right now. We’re already talking to him about, you know,
what you do if a policeman stops you, you know. How you
have to assume that people are going to question you and
assume the worst of you. And at the same time, we were
appealing to a lot of things in African-American heritage.
Martin Luther King, Junior, you know, a lot of things that
were really positive about social justice, and helping him to
understand that he had a lot of tools available to him.
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
I firmly believe that as transracial parents that they have a
duty to prepare their child not just for the world they live in
but most importantly for the world they will age into. So, it’s
not fair to raise them when, and turn them out at 18 and say,
“OK, go live in this world that is foreign to you, that is hostile
to you.” Certainly, when I do their coaching in adoption,
that’s the message I send. When you decide to adopt
children of a different race, you've made a conscious
decision to expose your family to being uncomfortable.
((Popup Banner: Chad’s birth mother was an actress who
died in 2011))
((Chad Goller-Sojourner, Adoptee, Performer))
It was very interesting to see for the first time, at 44,
somebody who looked like me and to end up in the same
profession as she did was just crazy, you know. A lot of
people forget that adoptees have a story before they come
to you. Whatever it is, we have our own story and this was
my story. To know that I could like run my fingers over here
and I’m touching her! When I’m putting my hand under the
cellphone, we’re touching. This is her work, her fingerprints
are on here. My fingerprints are on here. Although she’s
deceased, I’m actually touching my mother. Not
metaphorically but really. And certainly that is something
beyond what I ever thought possible.
